Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Randomize
