I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
