dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
