me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
