In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize