Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
