I just pynch a tree in the face
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
