I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize