Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Randomize
