please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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