have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
