do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
