So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
