I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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