90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
