When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
