There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
