Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
