Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Randomize
