just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
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