Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize