so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
