omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
