Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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