Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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