sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize