And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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