When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
