i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize