You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
