I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
