I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
