Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
