Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
My legs feel like baby dolphins
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Randomize
