look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
