i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
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