The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
