then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
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