just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
