Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I wish you could order shots online.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
