I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
