I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize