If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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