I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Less talking, more tequila
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
