u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
