your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Randomize
