Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
