If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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