he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
