So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
