Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I cannot find my penis.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
