I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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