I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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