My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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