I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
