I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i think my mom watched the whole time
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
