break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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