i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
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