so explain again why im purple
no
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
