I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
