i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
