I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
