I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
