You smell like stripper and shame
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
