I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize