When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
