i think my tv is drunk
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
