Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize