I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
