my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
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