I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
