My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
