Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
