and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
