My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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