I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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