sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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