There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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