i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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