we have officially lost it.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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