you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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