im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
