So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
