The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
