I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
