the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I could fuck to npr.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
