to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
