After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize