Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
two words...techno handjob
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
