I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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