youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
