a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
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