there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
