is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Two words: blizzard sex
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
