I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
