just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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