You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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