Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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