3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I cannot find my penis.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
