i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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