I must be too annoying 4 u.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
