i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
