I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
