So drunk its hurt
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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