the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
