Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
