Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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